Ooiroke no Jutsu!
by Cerebella Kennor
Summary: Naruto, furious with his new sensei for embarrassing and violating him during his genin test by way of a butt poke, decides to break out the big guns and get him back a hundredfold!   What we all wish Naruto would have done.
1. The Gennin Test

**AN: So this is an idea that's been running around my head for a long time. I've finally put it to paper, though I doubt I'll ever get over how funny I find the whole idea of it. Hopefully you'll think so as well. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of the characters. **

**Enjoy!**

"Konohagakure Hiden: Taijutsu no Ōgi: Sennen Goroshi!" Kakashi shouted, his fingers digging in to Naruto's butt, sending him flying into the nearby river.

Naruto was furious and embarrassed, having been violated by his new teacher. "I'll show him!" Naruto muttered angrily, flinging himself onto the bank and rushing back toward his sensei. "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" the blond yelled, grinning evilly as no less than a hundred clones appeared beside him.

Kakashi sighed and counselled, "It didn't work the first time, and it won't work the second."

"You don't even know what I'm going to do!" Naruto snarled, getting more riled up as Kakashi-sensei appeared to ignore him. He made the sign for Henge and yelled once more, making his final move, "Ooiroke no Jutsu!"

"Hmm?" Kakashi wondered, eyes peaking out over the orange book in his hand to see a field full of naked Naruko's. His eye widened, but if there was blood, no one could see it behind his black mask. "Blondes aren't my type," he admitted weakly.

"Ooiroke no Jutsu: Konoha Kunoichi Style!" the Naruko's shouted before becoming encased in a cloud of smoke.

When the smoke cleared, it revealed the faces and bodies of every single kunoichi in the village, ANBU included. Kakashi's mask began to sag as he stared with starry eyes at the women of Konoha who were in compromising positions: some bent over, some kissing each other, others touching themselves and moaning Kakashi's name. "Kakashi-sama," one of the ANBU kunoichi moaned, grabbing her breasts obscenely, "Why have you only penetrated Naruto-kun? We'd like to have you inside us as well."

Kakashi's jaw dropped and his mask sagged down his chin, revealing his face. "Y-Yuugao?"

"Mm, Kakashi-sama, ANBU misses you. No captain can fill us like you can," the body of Yuugao murmured, glancing at Kakashi through her lashes and trailing her hand down her stomach until her fingers stopped to slip inside of herself. "Kakashi-sama, please!"

"Guh," said Kakashi.

Blood spurted out his nose like a waterfall and he flew backwards, head slamming into a tree and incapacitating him. Naruto cackled merrily, ending his technique. He rushed forward, stole the twin bells, and dragged his new sensei to one of the training posts, tying him up tightly.

"NARUTO!" Sakura shrieked angrily. "YOU PERVERT!"

"Ne, Sakura-chan, take a look at Sasuke," Naruto sniggered, pointing at his rival.

Sasuke quickly tried to wipe his nose, but Sakura had already seen the evidence of his arousal. If he'd been just a little older, Naruto knew, he would have been as dead to the world as Kakashi. Pervert. "Sasuke isn't – he isn't like that!" Sakura tried to defend weakly.

"Hn," grunted Sasuke, glaring at Naruto, the only one of the trio to hold the bells.

"Look," Naruto said sheepishly, rubbing his neck, "I'll give you two the bells and that way we each had them at some point. He HAS to pass us!"

Sasuke yanked one of the bells out of Naruto's hands and Sakura gently took hers, frowning slightly. The three of them jumped when Kakashi groaned and his eye fluttered open. For a moment he was disoriented, wondering where Yuugao went, but then he spotted his group of genin holding the bells and smirking at him. "You're so pretty Kakashi-sensei," Naruto teased, "it's no wonder the village women want you so badly."

"Eh?" their sensei asked, but then his eyes widened as he felt a breeze on his chin. "Naru-to," he growled dangerously.

"We each got a bell, Kakashi-sensei," Sakura whispered, terrified.

"So you did," murmured Kakashi. "You pass."

"Hn," smirked Sasuke.

"Love prevails!" shrieked Sakura.

"I'm gonna be Hokage!" Naruto yelled in triumph.

"You can't be Hokage if you're dead," the jounin snarled.

There was a loud screech, like the sound of a thousand birds. The ropes holding Kakashi captive fell from around him and he stood up, lightening in his hand, and lunged for Naruto. "I'm going to kill you," he said, hand flying toward the orange-toting genin.

Naruto yelped and took off running, laughing heartily as his fearsome sensei chased him – though only as fearsome as such a pretty man with blood dribbling down his nose could be.

Victory!


	2. The Fallout

**AN: Thanks for all the reviews and for favouriting the story! It really makes a girl feel good about herself. Hmm, so a daniel 29 wondered what the fallout of the disastrous genin test would be, and it got me thinking and planning Part Two. Disclaimer still up from Chapter One. Enjoy!**

A month later, people were still bothering Kakashi. They pointed and gossiped – and, worse, they snickered at him from behind their hands. His reputation was ruined. Which was why he began to take A- and S-class missions out of the village again. He needed to escape, to bask in the fear his enemies exuded when they discovered who he was. Except even the missing nin had heard the rumours. Instead of cringing that the Copy Cat Sharingan Kakashi, master of a thousand jutsu was on their tails, they laughed. Now _all_ his enemies henged into naked women and spoke dirty to him once they figured out who he was. It was embarrassing. And he was beginning to wonder if seeing that many naked, begging, and thrusting women was turning him off women all together. Even Icha Icha was looking boring lately.

Naruto had to die. It was his fault for making up such a stupid technique - and he was _proud_ that it was such a hit! Sasuke and Sakura too, as they had been the only other witnesses. Everyone else had learnt about it from rumours and hearsay, so they could live – that and it'd be impossible to kill that many people. Besides, if he destroyed Naruto, everyone would realize that there was no _way_ Kakashi could have been beaten by his genin. "Oi, Pervert-sensei," Naruto called from the bridge on which his genin were awaiting his arrival, "we need to get a better mission than garbage-picking or dog-walking!"

Kakashi sighed and turned back toward town. The walk to the mission office was long an treacherous, with enemies smirking cruelly at him. "Naruto, I don't think you're ready for something more," he mumbled.

"Hn," Sasuke mocked.

"Yeah, yeah!" Naruto agreed. "How can Pervert-sensei think we aren't ready for more when we defeated him? Piece of cake! I think _you_ aren't ready, sensei! Afraid to get your ass kicked again, Pervert-sensei?"

Kakashi glowered but didn't respond. When they entered the mission room, silence descended upon them. Iruka beamed at Naruto and Kakashi wanted to do a bit of pre-damage control before it got out of hand again – like, say, Genma henging into a female-Genma and masturbating in public again. He would never live it down – especially since his nose had bled a bit and it showed when Naruto poked his face. "We want a C-rank mission, Hokage-sama," Kakashi blurted.

The Hokage looked at him seriously before nodding. He held off Iruka's complaints and praised Team Seven for their teamwork – even though the only thing they agreed upon was making Kakashi's life miserable. "This is the bridge-builder Tazuna," Iruka introduced. "You'll be protecting him on the way to the Wave country and until he completes his task."

"A couple of kids and a pervert?' Tazuna asked. "We'll be easy prey!"

Naruto and Sakura giggled while Sasuke smirked. Even clients had heard about the test! "If you don't shut your mouth, I'll make sure that not even your corpse will make it to Wave," Kakashi snarled.

The bridge-builder gulped and nodded. "Everyone meet at the gates in two hours," Kakashi said before puffing into smoke.

Their first enemies had teased Kakashi and wound up nothing more than smears upon the dirt path. Even Naruto couldn't laugh. Sakura fainted and Sasuke revisited memories of his family's massacre. Tazuna drank and drank some more to forget the look of sadistic satisfaction in Kakashi's only visible eye as he killed the two missing nin.

Their second enemy acted no differently than the first. When Kakashi realized they were being attacked, he shouted, "Down!"

The genin dropped to the ground and dragged Tazuna with them. A large sword nearly cut a tree in half and an even larger man landed gently on it. "Momochi Zabuza," Kakashi murmured, "the demon of the mist."

"Hatake Kakashi," Zabuza mimicked while smirking mockingly, "the pervert of Konoha."

Kakashi froze, a mad look entering his eye. He immediately pulled up his forehead protector and opened his Sharingan eye. The fight that ensued was pathetic. Kakashi wound up caught in a water prison and had to be saved by Naruto and Sasuke. The hunter nin that picked up Zabuza's body couldn't even hold back a comment, telling Kakashi, "A ninja is not supposed to feel emotions. Arousal has no place on the battle field."

When Team Seven arrived back in Konoha, the trio of genin were seen acting hesitant around Kakashi, as though they were terrified. The Hokage noticed this immediately when the group entered the mission room to deliver their report – he also noticed that everyone who so much as looked at Kakashi fainted with wet spots on their pants. "Ne, Kakashi," Iruka began hesitantly, "I cannot accept this."

"What?" Kakashi barked.

The three genin tensed immediately, sent Iruka a look of mourning, and high-tailed it out of the mission office. Sarutobi had trouble keeping up with them they were running so fast. It seemed that it was time to send Kakashi for counselling again. "I won't accept this," Iruka repeated slowly. "You need to rewrite it. There are pre-made pages in the back of the room for reports, and I want you to fill one out for me nicely. No dirt, no blood, and _legible_ handwriting."

Everyone held their breath as the air pressure in the room rose uncomfortably high. "No," Kakashi said.

"Do I need to get Yuugao?" Iruka asked. "If _she_ asks nicely, you'll do it for sure."

Kakashi glared at the smirking chuunin. Surely Naruto would forgive him if he killed his favourite sensei? "No," he repeated.

"Oh Kakashi," Iruka murmured hotly, "you wouldn't say no to _Yuugao_, would you? ANBU wants you _inside them_ _so badly_."

Kakashi stared at the picture before him. Iruka was leaning over the desk with humour shining in his eyes. His face was flushed in an effort to control the laughter that no doubt wanted to escape him. Kakashi thought that a hundred naked Yuugao's could be in the room right now, begging for him, and he wouldn't care. Iruka snorted, wet his lips knowingly, and opened his mouth to say something. All that escaped was a squeak before Kakashi lunged at the chuunin, made the seals for the transportation jutsu and the two disappeared in a puff of smoke.

The next day, Iruka could be seen limping with a happy look on his face, and Kakashi could be seen looking immensely satisfied. Naruto put two and two together and decided to pay Pervert-sensei a visit. "Kakashi," he began quietly, "if you hurt Iruka-sensei, I'll make you wish you were dead. All this pervert stuff will look peaceful and happy when I'm through with you."

Kakashi's already wide eye widened further when the rest of the rookie nine stepped forward from the shadows. "And we'll help him," they said in unison, their voices low and rough, sounding extremely sinister.

"Look," he said, lifting his hands in front of him, "I didn't really hurt him. He might have enjoyed it even."

"Duh," Sasuke said uncharacteristically.

Kakashi seemed a bit confused, wondering why the genin of Konoha were so out of sorts about what he'd done to Iruka. He hadn't meant to hurt him. "Sure," he agreed quickly to their earlier threat, "I won't hurt him. You don't have to worry about that!"

The girls giggled with rose-hued cheeks and shared glances. Naruto grinned and pat him roughly on the back, warning in his eyes. "I knew we could count on you, sensei! Make sure you treat him right, and we won't have a problem!"

"Yeah!" the genin cried, Shikamaru included.

The nine kids left and Kakashi shook his head in wonder. He'd only had a session with Iruka, and it had gone pretty well. He supposed that there were many ninja who took out their frustration on their therapists, but he wasn't one of them. He'd never be one of them. Oh well, at least his genin didn't seem to be scared of him anymore.

"Kakashi, my Eternal Rival!" cried a green beast. "Is it true?"

"Eh? Is what true?" he wondered.

"Have you and Iruka fallen?"

"Oh," said Kakashi, "yeah. We fell yesterday. It was an accident, really."

"My Friend! You are in the Prime of your Youth! Accidents like that are meant to happen!" Gai cried happily, tears slowly leaking from his eyes.

Kakashi rubbed his head and shrugged, "I guess. I'm a bit old to be missing my target though."

Gai's eyes widened comically and he shouted in surprise, "Kakashi, my Youthful Rival! I am Glad that you would share such Personal Details with me!"

"It's not really personal," Kakashi decided, "if everyone already found out about it. It is a ninja village though, so I should have expected this."

"Yes, my Youthful Rival! You have beaten me again, in a Contest of True Love!"

"True _what_?" Kakashi stuttered.

"Your relationship with Iruka-sensei is Heart-Warming! I, too, shall find my True Love!" Gai cried, planting a hand on his own chest and giving Kakashi a thumbs-up.

"Love? _NO_! Kami, where the hell did you hear that?" Kakashi demanded.

"It is all around Konoha, my Friend!" Gai told him. "It is said that you pounced on your True Love in the mission room, Ecstatic to be Together At Last!"

"Gai," Kakashi said slowly, "he's my therapist. I had a bad month and a bad mission. I scared the shit out of my genin when I massacred a bunch of hired thugs. They _still_ won't completely relax with me. I probably scarred them for life."

Gai's face had fallen, though it was more serious than comical. He placed a hand on Kakashi's shoulder in an effort to comfort. "I understand," he assured. "I am Sorry that I misunderstood the situation."

"It's alright," Kakashi sighed. "At least now I know why Naruto and the rest of his class threatened me."

"Ah! They wanted to Protect Iruka-sensei! How Youthful and Inspiring!"

"Yeah, sure," said Kakashi. "Listen, how come everyone thinks Iruka and I are together? I doubt tackling him in the mission office would do that. I thought everyone would think I tried to kill him."

"The Most Youthful and Charming Iruka-sensei has been limping all day, looking extremely Happy and Satisfied!"

Kakashi face-palmed. "Of course he'd act like that. I told him I needed help. You know how much I've been fighting to get out of talking to him. Hokage-sama usually has to order me to go."

Gai nodded, knowing that his Eternal Rival could be quite Stubborn. "But why is he limping?" he asked at last.

"Ah," Kakashi said hesitantly, "I might have missed my mark when I used the Transportation Jutsu. He tripped over his coffee table and broke it. He had to go to the hospital for stitches afterwards."

"I see," said Gai. "I shall endeavour to explain the Situation to the Cute Genin!"

"No!" said Kakashi. "They're finally getting over what happened during the genin test. This is just what I need to make everyone forget about that! Besides, Iruka deserves to get teased for what he did to me in the mission room."

"That is Most Unyouthful, my Eternal Rival!" Gai exclaimed.

"I'm sorry, did you say something?" Kakashi asked, pulling out Icha Icha and beginning to walk away.

"Ah! You are so Hip!" Gai shouted after him.

"Well," Kakashi thought, "they might all think I'm dating Iruka, but at least I can hold that over my little genin's heads when I want them to do something. I'll just talk about how he is in bed, and they'll be running around in circles to get me to shut up!"


End file.
